Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
