Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize