There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
