True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
