At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The power of my boobs compel you
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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