Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
