I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
