you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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