Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
