He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
