I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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