Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
