she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
