WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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