I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
