You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
