just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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