So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
