We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
