Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
where are my eyebrows?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
