I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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