i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
