Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
