I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
this will be a night to untag.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
