4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
