Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
