And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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