i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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