i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize