The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
