I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So vagazzling was a success
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
