Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
