I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
