i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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