I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
