Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
