did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
