Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
