I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
