umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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