I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
