good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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