I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
