As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
