I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
