some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
