Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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