Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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