I skipped work to stalk him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
