I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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