Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
