I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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