Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
