I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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