I need help removing her.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
