Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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