I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
