Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
