you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I could fuck to npr.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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