I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am naked and annoyed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
