no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
