My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
