The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
