It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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